And I "Need" That Why, Exactly?

So, now that the immediate family knows of our impending parenthood, and couldn't be happier or more surprised, we've entered a new phase of our relationship. The one where everyone in the world starts giving us advice. As novice parents-to-be, to a certain extent this is great; I have no idea what's going on, so a little friendly guidance is much appreciated. That my mother was a nurse for the better part of 30 years (as well as a mother of two), and my sister is a licensed occupational therapist makes their insight even more persuasive.

However, I don't need a dissertation of all the things I'll need to do, look out for, or for damn sure have to go out and buy, at least at this particular juncture. Needless to say, that hasn't stopped everyone from doing it anyway. As the first of what I'm sure will be an ongoing series, I give you "Modern Childrearing Implements You Never Knew Existed."

Exhibit 1: The "Boppy"
Don't ask. Apparently, it's to support the kid while feeding, and to help muscle development when they're learning to sit up. Me? I thought it was a neck pillow.

Exhibit 2: The "Baby Bjorn"
Those crazy Swedes. What will they think of next? The adorably boxy Volvoes of my youth, the frustratingly odd location of the ignition on all cars Saab, lutefisk, and now this; You know, for kids. Apparently, it's for carrying your kid around, either in the "puke on me" (facing inward) or "puke on you" (facing outward) positions.

Exhibit 3: The Car Seat
Apparently, even though I'll only have one kid, I'll need three of these; one "infant," one "toddler," one "booster." If you ask me, this can all be avoided by the liberal use of bubblewrap and duct tape. Of course it's legal; I'm an attorney.

It's going to be a long seven months.